Listening to Reply

Eve Marks
Jul 29, 2020
2 min read

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey.

I'm starting a series called Communication during Corona. Each week I will write about one specific aspect of communication that may help you during this unprecedented time. I hope that what I write helps you in some way and I would love to hear your comments (by replying to this email).

Listening properly is one of the most important aspects of effective communication. When listening to others, we are often distracted or we are waiting to have our say.

During a conversation we may sit, staring at the person and we look like we are listening but really we are just waiting to jump in with our own point of view or our own experience that is similar to theirs. If we are arguing, we might just be interrupting half the time and not listening at all. Or we may even be thinking about what we are making for dinner!

The result of this is that the person feels unheard or unsupported and sometimes even just stops talking, maybe thinking "whats the point"?

Being together for long periods of time is an opportunity to communicate and become closer. Without proper listening people can actually get further apart even if they are living in the same home.

Tips to improve listening skills

Face the person and keep eye contact (but not staring like a zombie)
Just keep quiet. Hear what they have to say without interrupting (just like you would want them to do for you)
Nod when they say things that resonate (but not like a bobble head toy)
Let them know you hear them by acknowledging something they have said
Keep an open mind because their opinion matters too
If you are unsure about what they are saying, ask questions to get clarity
Pay attention to what the person isn't saying i.e in their body language
Don't interpret what they are saying based on your own emotional state.